dot hack GARDEN
by White Rose Archer
Summary: The main .HackSIGN characters get a garden in 'The World? Yeah!
1. Groups and the Voice from Above

[A weird idea I had for my first .Hack//SIGN fanfic that I got while doing yardwork with my Dad. What if the creators of The World gave every group of charcaters and the main characters of .hack//SIGn all were put into one garden group?  
  
  
  
Warnings: Subaru bashing, cursing and insanity  
  
Disclaimers: What in the seven hells makes you think I own .Hack//SIGN or Project .Hack? I own Project: Tsukasa which can be found on my bio. ]  
  
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.Hack//GARDEN  
  
*Tsukasa, Mimiru, Bear, BT, Subaru, Crim, Silver Knight, Sora and Maha all enter a large field in The World*  
  
Mimiru: So we get to keep a garden. Cooooooooo~oool  
  
Tsukasa: Gar-den?  
  
Mimiru: *sweatdrops*  
  
Maha: *talks to Tsukasa but we can't hear anything*  
  
Tsukasa: Oh.   
  
Sora: You guys are being booooring. Can we get to work?   
  
Silver Knight(SK): You shut up.  
  
Sora: No way!  
  
Silver Knight: Yes way! *shoves Sora*  
  
Sora: *bumps into Subaru and sends her flying into a large venus fly trap*  
  
Subaru: AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tsukasa: The authoress is cruel..  
  
Authoress: *pops up* No breaking the fouth-wall, and yes, I am very cruel but it was mentioned Subaru would get bashed. *disappears*  
  
Tsukasa: YOU NEVER SAID YOU'D SHOVE HER INTO A PLANT!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Crim and SK: *manage to pull Subaru out*  
  
Voice from above: damn, they got her out..  
  
Tsukasa: *thinks it's Morgana and freaks out* AH!!!!!  
  
BT: This is gonna be a very long day......  
  
Mimiru: *runs off and comes back dragging Tsukasa behind her*  
  
Tsukasa: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Bear: Very long day......  
  
Everyone: .......*are clueless as to what to do next*  
  
Crim: How about we split into groups of three and cover the area? We need one leader per place.   
  
*Everyone decides teams*  
  
BT: *is in a team with Sora and Tsukasa*  
  
Mimiru: *is with Bear and Maha*  
  
Crim: *is with Subaru and SK*  
  
Voice from the sky: Let the gardening begin!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tsukasa: *freaks out again* AAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
BT and Sora: *run after him*  
  
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Hm? So what do you think? I am the voice from above that keeps scaring tsukasa. This fic takes place anytime between when we get a good look at BT's life and when Maha dies in the second to last episode. R&R. 


	2. Attacks, Balmung and the Chicken wuss

[Hn....Just don't ask...  
  
Warnings: Still bashing Subaru, still small curses and still insanity  
  
Disclaimer: If you think I own .Hack//SIGN, you are indeed a weird one.   
  
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(In group 1)  
  
BT: *pokes a flower-bud with her staff and watches it bloom* Mmmmmkay...  
  
Tsukasa: *sits on a stone bench and blinks a few times* .........  
  
Sora: *leans against a weeping willow*   
  
Tsukasa: *lays back on the bench and stares at the sky*  
  
BT: *pokes other flower buds out of boredom*  
  
Sora: *smirks, walks over to the bench Tsukasa is sitting at and flips it backwards*  
  
Tsukasa: *falls backwards* !!!!  
  
BT: *rolls her eyes*  
  
(Group 2)  
  
Mimiru: *waltzs around and waters flowers*  
  
Maha: *says something*  
  
Mimiru: *was looking at Maha* What?  
  
Maha: *says something again*  
  
Mimiru: Huh?  
  
Maha: *smacks forehead, floats up to Mimiru and says it again*  
  
Mimiru: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING!?!?!?!? *attacks Maha*  
  
Bear: *twitches*  
  
(Group 3)  
  
SK: *attacks anything that blooms*  
  
Crim: *watches him amused*  
  
Subaru: *is concerned for the flowers* SK, stop it!  
  
SK: I thought I was called Silver Knight....  
  
Subaru: Eh?  
  
Crim: What are you talking about SK?  
  
SK: MY NAME IS SILVER KNIGHT!!!!!! *attacks Crim*  
  
Subaru: *watches them try to kill eachother*   
  
(Group 2)  
  
Bear: How about we have a competition to see who can grow the best part of the garden.....before you kill that cat...  
  
Mimiru: *stops strangling Maha* OK, that'll be fun! ^^ I'll tell everyone. *gates out to go write an e-mail*  
  
Maha: *floats into a tree and relaxes*  
  
(Group 1)  
  
Sora: *is carving gorey bloody images into trees*  
  
BT: *sarcastically* Niiiiiiiice  
  
Sora: I thought so...  
  
BT: I was being sarcastic.   
  
Sora: Me too.   
  
BT: *blinks* .........  
  
Sora: *blinks*  
  
BT: Oh, there's an e-mail from Mimiru...A contest for which group can grow the best part of the garden.   
  
Tsukasa: *sits up from the bench* O.....K  
  
Sora: It's better than just sitting here...  
  
(Group 3)  
  
Balmung: *appears ou of nowhere* THE FANGIRLS ARE ATTACKING!!!! I AM EINSTEIN THE CRICKET!!!!!! MAY THE BISCUITS BE YOUR BIG TOE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Subaru, Crim and SK: O_o;;  
  
SK: *punches Crim while staring at Balmung*  
  
Balmung: WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY!??!  
  
Crim: You said the biscuits are attacking, that you were Fangirl the cricket and to let Einstein be our Big toe.   
  
SK: No no no, he said that Einstein was attacking, he was biscuit the big toe and to let fangirls be our crickets.   
  
Subaru: Actually, you said that crickets were biscuits, that you were a fangirl and to let the big toe be our Einstein.   
  
All four: *blink* .........  
  
Balmung: I have issues...  
  
Crim: It's the bishounen's life...  
  
Balmung: How would you know?  
  
Crim: I am one.   
  
Balmung: You wish.   
  
Crim: DIE, YOU VILE FANGIRL INFESTED FILTH!!!!!!  
  
Balmung: *disappears*  
  
Crim: *stabs Subaru instead*  
  
Voice from Above: Yay!  
  
Voices in the distance: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Chicken wuss! Knock it off Sora! Chicken wuss, Chicken wuss! STOP IT!!!! *sobbing noises*  
  
Everyone except BT, Sora, Tsukasa and Balmung who disappeared: O.........kie dokie...  
  
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No one reviewed...I am hurt..R&R!!!!!! 


	3. The Box and Sobakasu

[It's early morning and I'm bored. We all know this will be weird.   
  
Disclaimer: Who throws a cupcake? Honestly? Oh...I don't own .Hack//SIGN. *sigh*  
  
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(Group 1)  
  
BT: *is rying to make Tsukasa stop screaming and yelling*  
  
Tsukasa: No, NO! THE VOICE!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
Sora: *is watching Tsukasa in amusment*  
  
(Group 2)  
  
[A/N: The basic idea was taken from Felis Lunensis but I didn't understand so I used my own ideas with yours, thus forming...]  
  
Maha: *walks over to a box and opens it*  
  
Huge Plant thing from the box: *attacks Maha and sends her flying backwards*  
  
Maha: *lands near Tsukasa, screams something but we can't hear and runs back*  
  
Tsukasa: *gasps* MAHA!  
  
Maha: *turns around and does an anime smile at Tsukasa* ^__^;;;  
  
(Group 3)  
  
Subaru: *is dying and bleeding on the ground*  
  
SK and Crim: *are talking about manga*  
  
Subaru: HELLO!?!? DYING PERSON HERE!!!!!!  
  
SK: *waves a little flag*  
  
Crim: *takes out and eggtimer*  
  
Eggtimer: DING!  
  
SK: *pulls out a noise maker and pops it in his own face*  
  
Crim and SK: *go back to talking*  
  
Subaru: O_o;  
  
(Group 1)  
  
BT: OK, we've got nothing done so lets get to work.  
  
Sora: *slices apart weeds with the blades that come out of his gloves*  
  
Tsukasa and BT: *pull out the weeds by hand*  
  
Tsukasa and BT: ......  
  
Sora: HAH!!!!! WHOOOP! SHING!!!   
  
(Group 2)  
  
Mimiru: *sings a song about losing her mind*  
  
Bear: You've got some serious problems Mimiru...  
  
Mimiru: THANK YOU!!  
  
Maha: *is whacking the Box with a stick that looks like Tsukasa's staff*  
  
(Group 1)  
  
Tsukasa: Hey, where's my staff??  
  
(Group 3)  
  
Subaru: *starts screaming* NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! IT CAN'T END THIS WAAAAAAAAAAY!!! I'm supposed to die in a beautiful place with my lover!!! DARn YOU, PHSYCIC HOROSCOPES!! DARN YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!!  
  
Crim and SK: *sing* Those silly Horoscopes I guess I can't trust them after all!  
  
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Very stupid, neh? Well, I don't care what you think...Wait,l YES I DO!!!!!! R&R. 


	4. The Flippin' Fourth Wall and Beep

[Parts of this next chapter may be disturbing for the sane. The scene between Sora and Subaru was inspired by a recent RP between me and a friend who calls herself Sango Minamono.   
  
Disclaimer: ......I dun own....]  
  
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(Group 1)   
  
BT: *is planting stuff*   
  
Tsukasa: * is pruning something*   
  
Sora: *is away spying on other groups*   
  
All: ..............  
  
(Group 2)  
  
Mimiru: *blinks like she just remembered something and looks at Maha* KITTY!!!! ^^  
  
Maha: *screams something but we only hear a squeak*  
  
Bear: *screams* IT MADE A NOISE!!!!!! THE CAT MADE A NOISE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mimiru: KITTY!!!!!!!!!!! ^^  
  
(Group 3)  
  
Subaru: *is shoving muffins into Sora's mouth* TALK!  
  
Sora: *was discovered and tries to talk through the muffins*   
  
Crim: Weren't you dead, Subaru?   
  
Subaru: *confused look* I think the authoress is being nice to me.   
  
Voice from above: No, I just forgot. And no breakage of the fourth wall.   
  
Tsukasa's voice from a distance: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sora's voice from a distance: WILL YOU SHUT UP!?!   
  
Voice from Above: Yeeah....Well, I'm letting you live for the moment so feel happy. NEKOBARA HAS SPOKEN!!  
  
All except Tsukasa: Ya...   
  
Tsukasa's voice in the distance: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(Group 1)  
  
BT: *is hitting Sora out of fury* I CAN'T EGT ANYTHING DONE AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!!  
  
Tsukasa: *is curled up in a deserted party of the garden* I'm in my own little wooooorld. La dee da dee da. No bad voices. This is my world(1).   
  
Sora: *has large bumps on his head*   
  
(Group 2)  
  
Maha: *is suffocating* X_x;   
  
Mimiru: *is clinging to Maha*   
  
Bear: *suddenly sings Obsession*  
  
(Group 3)   
  
Subaru: *has returned to lying on the ground in a bloody mess*   
  
Crim and SK: *go back to talking about manga*   
  
Subaru: WHY IS IT THAT WHEN I SIT UP IT'S A BIG DEAL BUT WHEN I DIE, NO ONE CARES?!?  
  
Crim: 'Cause you're a stupid scrawny bi-  
  
Voice From Above: Crim, as much as I'd love to see someone other than me curse Subaru out, you'd violate the rating.   
  
Crim: Can I curse her out in the next .Hack//SIGN fic?  
  
Voice from Above: NO BREAKING OF THE FLIPPIN' FOURTH WALL!!!!!! And yes, I might consider allowing it.   
  
Crim: Yay.   
  
(Group 1)  
  
Tsukasa: *has returned to normal*   
  
Voice From Above: *gets bored and makes the sky turn purple around Tsukasa just to freak him out*   
  
Tsukasa: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *runs off and steps on Sora's head while running*   
  
Sora: TSUKASA!! YOU STUPID LITTLE *BEEEEEEEEEEEEP*!!!!!! HEY, why are you beeping me? All I said was *beep*. OK, not funny! KNOCK IT OFF YOU *BEEP*!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!  
  
BT: *blinks and gates out*  
  
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(1)= Sound familiar? He said that in an episode.   
  
Yeah, I was bored...Again, thank my friend Sango Minamono for inspiration on the muffin scene! *claps* And Maha is the floating cat. Maha is also a girl from what I gather of the context. R&R and I'll make more! 


End file.
